You Don’t Have to Explain Everything
Have you ever started explaining something…
and halfway through realized…
you didn’t even need to say all of that?
In this episode, we’re talking about over-explaining — where it comes from, why we do it, and what it actually looks like when you stop.
From turning simple answers into full explanations…
to justifying your decisions so people understand you…
to feeling like you need to soften your “no” with a long backstory…
this is about breaking the habit of over-communicating just to feel accepted.
Because the truth is…
you don’t need a full explanation to be valid.
✨ WHAT YOU’LL REFLECT ON:
- Why you feel the need to over-explain
- Who you’re actually trying to convince
- The difference between clarity and over-justifying
- What it looks like to communicate simply and confidently
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who always feels the need to explain themselves.
Make sure you’re subscribed so you never miss a Monday.
And if you’re building a life rooted in intention — from your mindset to your self-care — visit mylanibeauty.com to explore Mylani Vegan Hair & Body Care.
Mentioned in this episode:
Second season Outro
Season 2 Intro
2nd season Mylani commercial- full version
Transcript
A thousand kisses from you is.
Speaker A:Hey, guys, welcome back to Receipts and Reflections after the Hustle.
Speaker A:Okay, let me ask you something real quick.
Speaker A:Before we even get started, have you ever explained something that nobody even asked you to explain?
Speaker A:Did nobody even ask you to be starting with your, you know, what happened was.
Speaker A:And you know.
Speaker A:And halfway through explaining it, you realize, why am I talking so much?
Speaker A:I don't gotta explain nothing to you.
Speaker A:Like, no, seriously, you started off with a simple answer, and now you giving a whole background context, a timeline, a TED Talk, and the person didn't even ask you for all that.
Speaker A:Now, before we get into it, because, you know, there was a reason why I started with the never too much.
Speaker A:Never too much.
Speaker A:Sometimes it is too much.
Speaker A:So before we go there, because you know, I'm about to.
Speaker A:I'm about to get up in y' all butts this time.
Speaker A:I'm about to get up in it because I be having these moments with myself.
Speaker A:So it is only right that if I am being truthful, if I am kicking my own butt, that it's only right that I do the same for y'.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:Because I love y'.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:I love y'.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:And we're growing together, aren't we?
Speaker A:We are glowing and growing together.
Speaker A:So before we get into that, though, I just want to know, girl, how you feeling?
Speaker A:How are you feeling today?
Speaker A:Not your schedule.
Speaker A:I don't want to hear none about that.
Speaker A:I don't want to hear nothing about your responsibilities, not them doggone kids, not that husband, not your boo thing.
Speaker A:I don't want to hear nothing about your job.
Speaker A:I don't want.
Speaker A:I don't care, okay?
Speaker A:I want to know, how are you doing?
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:Are you feeling light?
Speaker A:Feeling fancy free?
Speaker A:You know, a little light on your feet?
Speaker A:Are you in a good mood?
Speaker A:Are you feeling like yourself or are you tired?
Speaker A:Are you like Summer Walker and you're still over it?
Speaker A:Are you feeling like people just been doing the most?
Speaker A:They just been doing too much lately?
Speaker A:The peopling is getting harder.
Speaker A:Just.
Speaker A:I just want you to just reflect on any of those.
Speaker A:Notice how you're feeling.
Speaker A:Just notice it because today we're going to talk about something small that actually isn't small at all.
Speaker A:We don't talk about the over explaining.
Speaker A:Okay, let me ask you something.
Speaker A:Who are you trying to convince?
Speaker A:When you over explain, is it them or is it you?
Speaker A:Because let's talk about it.
Speaker A:Have you ever text somebody something simple like, I'm not going to be able to make it, and then you Immediately saying, well, it's because I had a long day, you know, and I have to do this and this.
Speaker A:And, you know, I still didn't even get a chance to friend.
Speaker A:They didn't even ask you all that.
Speaker A:And most times, whenever you get to doing all the explaining, this is just, you know, from my raising teenagers.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:God bless them.
Speaker A:But, you know, when you start explaining too much, you're lying.
Speaker A:I just.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:Isn't this a safe space?
Speaker A:Are we gonna be real again today or.
Speaker A:Or what?
Speaker A:Y', all, they did not ask you all that.
Speaker A:Or what about this one?
Speaker A:Somebody asks you a question, and instead of just answering the doggone question, you start explaining the why, when, how, what led up to it, what had happened was what you meant, what you didn't mean, and now you're tired from answering just a simple doggone question.
Speaker A:What should have been simple?
Speaker A:Or here's my personal favorite.
Speaker A:You say no, right?
Speaker A:A clear no.
Speaker A:Because, you know, we have learned at our big old age, no is a complete sentence, right?
Speaker A:Them two letters are a complete sentence.
Speaker A:You just say no, what should have been a clear no?
Speaker A:And then immediately follow with, well, I just don't want you to feel like.
Speaker A:I mean, it's not that I don't, you know, I just had.
Speaker A:Girl, girl, you done turned a no into a full slideshow presentation, a full TED Talk.
Speaker A:Now, let's just go ahead and say it.
Speaker A:Some of us don't over explain because we're talkative.
Speaker A:No, we over explain because we don't feel safe being misunderstood.
Speaker A:Who said that?
Speaker A:Listen, that's different.
Speaker A:Because now is not about communication.
Speaker A:It's about comfort.
Speaker A:Now let me go ahead and tell you something.
Speaker A:I'm gonna go ahead and tell my business because that's what I do.
Speaker A:There was a time where I explained every freaking thing.
Speaker A:Everything.
Speaker A:Every decision, every boundary, every choice.
Speaker A:Because I really needed people to understand me, agree with me, and not misinterpret me.
Speaker A:And do you want to know what I realized?
Speaker A:People will still misunderstand you even after the explanation.
Speaker A:You cannot debate or over explain to people that are determined to misunderstand you.
Speaker A:So now you're tired and you misunderstood and you might be low key, pissed off a little bit.
Speaker A:And that is just a losing game.
Speaker A:And let's be real, some people don't even be listening to the explanation.
Speaker A:That's the cold part.
Speaker A:You're explaining your heart out, okay?
Speaker A:And they just are waiting to respond.
Speaker A:They didn't even listen to you.
Speaker A:Or worse.
Speaker A:Okay, here's the worst part.
Speaker A:They Hear one word, they have very, very, very selective hearing.
Speaker A:They hear one doggone word and they ignore the rest.
Speaker A:And now you sitting there like, I just said all of that to say nothing.
Speaker A:You said all that to say nothing.
Speaker A:So let's talk about why we do this.
Speaker A:A lot of us learned early on to explain ourselves.
Speaker A:We learn to do this because we wanted to avoid conflict, judgment, rejection.
Speaker A:So now that's our default.
Speaker A:That's your baseline.
Speaker A:We don't just speak, we justify.
Speaker A:But here's the shift.
Speaker A:You don't need to explain yourself.
Speaker A:You don't.
Speaker A:You don't need to explain yourself to be valid.
Speaker A:Now, this honestly shows up everywhere, okay?
Speaker A:It's gonna show up in friendships.
Speaker A:You oversplain over, explaining why you can't show up.
Speaker A:Business, you're explaining your prices, family, you're explaining your boundaries.
Speaker A:And now everything feels like freaking work because you're constantly trying to be understood.
Speaker A:But let me say this clearly.
Speaker A:Clarity does not require over explanation.
Speaker A:Girl, a full sentence is enough, even if it is a short one.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Is enough.
Speaker A:Because I said is enough.
Speaker A:I'm not available.
Speaker A:Is enough.
Speaker A:Enough.
Speaker A:I don't want to.
Speaker A:That's enough.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:So this week, we're gonna try something new, okay?
Speaker A:Are y' all with it, sis?
Speaker A:Let's try something new.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:I want you to practice short answers.
Speaker A:That's it.
Speaker A:Short answers.
Speaker A:When you feel yourself about to explain, I want you to pause and ask yourself, did they even ask for all that?
Speaker A:Here's the cold thing.
Speaker A:Let's say they did.
Speaker A:Let's say they did.
Speaker A:Still keep it short.
Speaker A:Let's say they didn't.
Speaker A:Still keep it short.
Speaker A:Watch how uncomfortable that is going to feel for you at first, because remember, we are the over explainers.
Speaker A:We're the over understanders.
Speaker A:And then I want you, after you have gotten past that first initial feeling of being uncomfortable, I want you to watch how freeing that becomes.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:Said I'm free.
Speaker A:Free falling.
Speaker A:I might have to go watch Jerry Maguire, because that's my favorite part right there.
Speaker A:Anything else, whatever.
Speaker A:But I just want you to really feel that feeling.
Speaker A:Like whenever he had the top down and he was just feeling free, I want you to get to that point that you just feel so free because you have finally reached the point in your life that you don't feel like you need to explain a doggone thing, because you don't, okay?
Speaker A:Now, before we go, let's go ahead and bring it on in.
Speaker A:Bring it on in, bookie.
Speaker A:Bring it on in.
Speaker A:You are allowed to be clear.
Speaker A:You're allowed to be clear without being long winded.
Speaker A:You're also allowed to choose yourself without over explaining it.
Speaker A:And you're also allowed to be misunderstood without correcting it.
Speaker A:We are going to give ourselves permission to run out of F's to give.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:Fresh out.
Speaker A:Fresh out.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:Because peace does not come from over explaining.
Speaker A:It comes from being solid in your decisions.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:So be gentle with yourself this week, sis.
Speaker A:Stay aware.
Speaker A:Keep your head on a swivel.
Speaker A:And I want you to stay connected to yourself, okay?
Speaker A:Until we meet again.
Speaker A:I love y'.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:I really do.
Speaker A:And I will meet you right back here next Monday.
