From Survival Mode to Soft Living
Survival mode doesn’t always look like chaos — sometimes it looks like overworking, hyper-independence, and never feeling safe enough to rest. In this episode, Charlisa breaks down what survival mode really looks like, how it shows up long after the crisis has passed, and how to begin choosing softness without fear or shame.
Reflection Questions:
- How does your body respond when things finally slow down?
- Where are you overworking because rest still feels unsafe?
- What would softness look like if you trusted yourself to be okay?
Engage with Me:
If this conversation stirred something in you, reach out.
Email me at receiptsreflections@gmail.com or share your thoughts with me on @mylanibychadowboxx. This is a judgment-free space.
Takeaways:
- This podcast emphasizes the importance of recognizing that feeling overwhelmed does not signify personal failure or brokenness.
- Survival mode is often a conditioned response to past instability, manifesting as constant anxiety and a reluctance to rest.
- It is crucial to differentiate between ambition and fear, as overworking can be a trauma response rather than a sign of drive.
- The discussion encourages listeners to embrace stillness, realizing that it is acceptable to prioritize self-care and safety over perpetual productivity.
Receipts and Reflections after the Hustle provides an insightful examination into the complexities of surviving and thriving in a demanding world. Charlisa, the host, discusses her personal experiences with survival mode, a state characterized by constant vigilance and anxiety stemming from her past encounters with instability. She articulates a poignant narrative that resonates with many listeners, particularly those who find themselves in similar circumstances, balancing the demands of motherhood and entrepreneurship. The episode serves as a reminder that while the hustle may propel individuals forward, it is the act of reflection that truly fosters growth and healing. Throughout the conversation, Charlisa delves into the psychological ramifications of operating in survival mode, where the instinct to overwork becomes a default mechanism for coping with fear and uncertainty. Her candid anecdotes shed light on how these behaviors were shaped by her history, including financial struggles and relational challenges. By sharing her journey, she invites her audience to engage in introspection, encouraging them to identify their own patterns of behavior that may be rooted in past experiences of trauma or instability. This exploration underscores the importance of recognizing that one’s feelings of anxiety and fatigue are valid responses to life’s challenges, rather than indications of personal inadequacy. As the episode progresses, Charlisa emphasizes the significance of embracing a mindset of safety and self-acceptance. She advocates for the necessity of rest and the importance of allowing oneself to be present in moments of stillness without the burden of productivity. This shift from a survival mentality to one that prioritizes emotional well-being is framed as an essential journey toward reclaiming joy in life. Ultimately, the episode encapsulates a powerful message: that softness and vulnerability are not weaknesses, but rather integral components of a fulfilling existence, challenging listeners to redefine their understanding of success and self-worth.
Takeaways:
- In our podcast, we emphasize that while hustle initiates progress, reflection is essential for true evolution.
- The experience of survival mode often manifests as a pervasive feeling of anxiety and constant alertness.
- We explore how overworking can be a trauma response rather than a sign of ambition or discipline.
- The importance of recognizing when one is operating from a place of fear is a key theme in our discussion.
Mentioned in this episode:
Mylani Vegan Hair & Body Care
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Transcript
Hey, friend.
Speaker A:Welcome to Receipts and Reflections after the Hustle.
Speaker A:This is a space for real conversations about life, business, healing, motherhood, and growth.
Speaker A:I'm Charlisa, and I've lived enough life to know that hustle might get you started, but reflection is what helps you evolve.
Speaker A:Some stories come with receipts because y' all know I keep me some receipts.
Speaker A:Some come with lessons.
Speaker A:Either way, you're safe here, friend.
Speaker A:So take a breath, get settled, and let's talk.
Speaker A:Hey, friend.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Receipts and Reflections after the Hustle.
Speaker A:Now, listen, before we go any further, I want to say something that might sound simple, but.
Speaker A:But it's important.
Speaker A:If you're listening to this and you feel tired, on edge, or like you're always waiting for something to go wrong, you're not broken.
Speaker A:First of all, you might be going through perimenopause, okay?
Speaker A:Because, you know, Perry.
Speaker A:Perry.
Speaker A:Perry played too much, you know, So a lot of us are fatigued.
Speaker A:We got insomnia.
Speaker A:We're going through it.
Speaker A:We're irritable.
Speaker A:Every.
Speaker A:Every.
Speaker A:Why does everybody get on our nerves?
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:We might be slightly musty, but we'll.
Speaker A:We're gonna talk about that.
Speaker A:Anyway.
Speaker A:I'm just letting you know, sis, you're not broken.
Speaker A:You're.
Speaker A:You're hormonal, okay?
Speaker A:And we're also going to talk about survival mode.
Speaker A:Not as a buzzword, but as a lived experience.
Speaker A:And more importantly, we're talking about how to recognize it, because you can't soften something that you don't know that you're carrying.
Speaker A:So survival mode really isn't always loud.
Speaker A:For some of us, it's our norm.
Speaker A:You know, they always talk about there's a difference between people who were, like, raised on survival versus people who were raised on love.
Speaker A:For some of us, that may be all, you know?
Speaker A:So I really want you to listen up, have a seat with me, and let's unpack this.
Speaker A:Because for some of us, there.
Speaker A:There may be some.
Speaker A:Some epiphanies that come from this episode.
Speaker A:I would hope so.
Speaker A:Or at least some honesty and identifying.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:Survival mode is not always allowed.
Speaker A:Sometimes it's quiet anxiety.
Speaker A:Sometimes it's constant motion.
Speaker A:For most of us, we out here joking about the fact that we think as adults, we got adhd.
Speaker A:And no, we're just so normalized with being in survival mode that we don't know how to sit down.
Speaker A:We always got to be doing something, okay?
Speaker A:So it's very much giving adhd, but it also could be very much giving survival, okay?
Speaker A:Sometimes it's the Feeling that you can't ever fully exhale.
Speaker A:For me, survival mode meant never feeling like I was truly safe.
Speaker A:Even when things were okay, quote unquote, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Speaker A:And that feeling does not come from nowhere.
Speaker A:For one, I overworked for years and, and I mean it's not because I loved Hustle, but it was because I remembered what it felt like to lose everything.
Speaker A:You know, I started as a mother at 17 years old.
Speaker A:I made a lot of my financial decisions based on I am a 17 year old mother that I gotta get it because for one thing I don't need people looking at me and saying I, I was right.
Speaker A:I knew she couldn't do it.
Speaker A:You know, I also was very unequally yoked in my marriage and I was the breadwinner in my relationship.
Speaker A:So I have been that person that, that has dealt with eviction three times.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:So for me I was always like listen, we got to get it.
Speaker A:Cuz you know, I don't know what, what is going to look like and I, I can't depend on anyone else that I'm not safe.
Speaker A:So I got to overdo it.
Speaker A:I have to survive.
Speaker A:I remembered eviction.
Speaker A:I remembered counting money at the end of the month.
Speaker A:I remembered wondering if, if there would be enough.
Speaker A:And a lot of times there wasn't.
Speaker A:So I made sure I stayed busy.
Speaker A:That's where the working seven days a week, you know that my club Shadow Box era when I would literally have my business open longer than the bar that was across the parking lot from me.
Speaker A:Because baby, she got bills, she got two light bills, two gas bills, two rents, car note, insurance, kids, kids, we got, I gotta get it.
Speaker A:I had to stay busy.
Speaker A:I worked harder than necessary.
Speaker A:I really in retrospect it was not that deep.
Speaker A:It was, but it was not that deep cuz I was okay, I was okay, I was really getting it.
Speaker A:But I didn't have to do all that because the sacrifices also and you know, we'll definitely talk about that too to I, I, I said yes when I should arrested.
Speaker A:I, I should have went to sleep.
Speaker A:Especially now that I have insomnia.
Speaker A:You know, I'll be mad at myself about all them times that I like, you know, wouldn't take a nap when you know, they would tell you like, you know, you, we get whooped and you, I'm probably telling my mom is going to kill me.
Speaker A:You know, you, you guys ever got whooped and all you could do was go to sleep.
Speaker A:I need, I need a whooping like that right now because I'm tired.
Speaker A:I'm sleepy, okay?
Speaker A:Anyway, I should have said yes because I'm paying for it now, okay?
Speaker A:I pushed past exhaustion because rest felt risky.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:Survival mode taught me that if I slowed down, something bad was gonna happen.
Speaker A:I. I would always say I. I don't know what's gonna happen.
Speaker A:So I just gotta be prepared just in case.
Speaker A:I'm always preparing for the worst, you know, because you just never know.
Speaker A:That's not ambition, girl.
Speaker A:That is fear dressed up as productivity.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:I will never forget literally dealing with the evictions, like, back to back, and also having to make the decision on.
Speaker A:Because I was, you know, this was in my early days of opening my salon.
Speaker A:So I really had to make the choice because, you know, this is the early days of starting a business.
Speaker A:You're not profitable yet, so.
Speaker A:And not only that, my lord, my ex, you know, just came home one day and never went back to work.
Speaker A:So now we're down to 1:1 income and I've got a new baby, and I'm opening a business right after coming back from maternity leave.
Speaker A:So, like, the worst possible scenario, you know, And I had to make the decision on paying rent in order for me to keep my business open or paying rent to live.
Speaker A:And that.
Speaker A:That's the craziest decision to ever have to make.
Speaker A:But that was it.
Speaker A:So, you know, when I was able to overcome that situation, when I was also able to lead that man, because that was the biggest expense, that's okay.
Speaker A:But whenever I was able to overcome that, I still was operating from this place of, you just don't know.
Speaker A:You never know.
Speaker A:So that's what I just always felt like the.
Speaker A:I'm waiting for that other shoe to drop.
Speaker A:And when you've experienced instability, whether it be financial, emotional, relational, your body learns to stay alert.
Speaker A:Like, it's always on go.
Speaker A:Even in your calm seasons, you're scanning.
Speaker A:You know, that's like people who come back from war.
Speaker A:That's why they be really, you know, going through it.
Speaker A:Because if.
Speaker A:When you have conditioned yourself to always be on go, or even if you from the hood, like, if you're always trained to man, I don't know what's about to go down.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:Your body does not know how to say, okay, we're safe now.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That's conditioning.
Speaker A:You've conditioned yourself to always be, like, ready.
Speaker A:So even in the calmness, you don't know that it's calm.
Speaker A:You don't fully enjoy good moments because you're literally bracing for your next crisis.
Speaker A:And that, my friend, that's survival mode.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:It's not pessimism, it's conditioning.
Speaker A:Now let me break this down clearly, because this is where a lot of people get stuck.
Speaker A:What I didn't know then was that overworking was a trauma response.
Speaker A:Constant planning was a way to feel in control.
Speaker A:You know, and even as I've been reflecting on this because I was like, let me identify, what does survival mode really look like?
Speaker A:You know, maybe it's part of my Sagittarius trait because I don't know if I can necessarily totally stop planning because, I mean, how, how else are you gonna know?
Speaker A:How else you gonna know what's going on if, if you fail to plan?
Speaker A:You know, doesn't the saying say, like, you know, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail?
Speaker A:So I don't know, we gonna, we gonna, we're gonna go back to that, but okay, Constant planning was a way to feel in control.
Speaker A:Exhaustion, fellow, then uncertainty.
Speaker A:I would rather be tired and broke.
Speaker A:That's what I would always say.
Speaker A:But what I know now, survival mode prioritizes safety over joy.
Speaker A:And I mean, I was kind of miserable.
Speaker A:I was.
Speaker A:Your body remembers instability longer than your mind does.
Speaker A:Listen to this.
Speaker A:That's why, like, it's a natural reaction.
Speaker A:Your body does not know you're safe.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:And rest feels threatening when you associate movement with survival.
Speaker A:These are all aha moments for me as I've been dissecting things in order to, you know, to talk to you about this, for this episode, because it's crazy to think that even after all of this time, I still default to survival mode.
Speaker B:Okay?
Speaker A:I, yes, I have stopped hustling as.
Speaker B:Far as, like, overworking and, you know.
Speaker A:Feeling like I needed to prepare for the worst.
Speaker A:But my body still has a very.
Speaker B:Natural, natural response and feeling like, like, I'll give an example.
Speaker A:So today was my very first day.
Speaker B:Back to work after being off for like two weeks.
Speaker A:And I remember the very first time that I ever took an extended break.
Speaker B:Like that and I did not know.
Speaker A:What to do with myself.
Speaker B:I was so miserable, I was so.
Speaker A:Uncomfortable that I gave myself like a.
Speaker B:Ton of at home projects to have to do because I didn't know what to do with stillness.
Speaker B:I didn't know what to do with not being needed and not having something on the, on the schedule.
Speaker B:Not having something on my calendar and, and not having something that kept me, like, moving.
Speaker B:And I really did.
Speaker B:You know, my therapist actually helped me unpack that.
Speaker B:That you know, because I would say, well, here it is Sunday, it's 4 o' clock and I've done nothing today.
Speaker B:And she would be like, so, okay, what's, what's the problem?
Speaker B:And I'm like, well, you know, I don't want to be lazy.
Speaker B:And you know, I just, I don't.
Speaker B:I just felt like I should have been doing something.
Speaker B:And she's the one that helped point out, like, it is okay to like sit down.
Speaker B:It is okay to do nothing.
Speaker B:And the statement she made to me that when it finally resonated, it made me so emotional.
Speaker B:It was very simple, but it felt like a, a punch in my stomach.
Speaker B:She said, you're safe.
Speaker B:You are safe.
Speaker B:And even as I'm recording this, I'm getting a little teary eyed because you're safe, sis.
Speaker B:It is okay to let go of, of the survival.
Speaker B:It is okay to sit down and not have anything that is needed of you.
Speaker B:Is okay that the only thing that is needed of you at that moment is you needing you.
Speaker B:Okay?
Speaker B:Needing you to enjoy just the stillness, the quiet.
Speaker B:I am here to tell you right now, sis, you're safe.
Speaker B:Okay?
Speaker B:You are safe.
Speaker B:Back then I thought I was being responsible.
Speaker B:Now I know what I was really trying to outrun.
Speaker B:I was trying to outrun fear.
Speaker B:So let me slow this down for you and let me make it practical.
Speaker B:Okay?
Speaker B:Here are some signs that you might still be operating in survival mode.
Speaker B:You might be in survival mode if you feel guilty resting you over.
Speaker B:Explain your boundaries.
Speaker B:You panic when things get too quiet.
Speaker B:You tie your worth to productivity.
Speaker B:You feel anxious even when things are stable.
Speaker B:Survival mode doesn't mean something's wrong with you.
Speaker B:It means something once happened to you.
Speaker B:And again, I am here to tell you you're safe.
Speaker B:Soft living can feel scary when survival is what kept you alive.
Speaker B:I mean, that's what you held on to.
Speaker B:That's what made you feel like you was Big Dog.
Speaker B:It's okay to be a little Chihuahua now.
Speaker A:It's okay.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:When chaos was familiar.
Speaker B:Calm is always going to feel unfamiliar.
Speaker B:Your nervous system is gonna need time to learn a new baseline.
Speaker B:And that's okay.
Speaker B:Soft living isn't about pretending that nothing bad has ever happened to you.
Speaker B:It's about teaching your body that you are safe now.
Speaker B:So say this with me.
Speaker B:I am safe.
Speaker B:Soft living doesn't start with big life changes.
Speaker B:It starts small.
Speaker B:It looks like resting before you're exhausted, leaving money margin instead of operating out of panic, allowing yourself to enjoy stability without bracing for the worst.
Speaker B:Soft Living is not reckless.
Speaker B:It's regulated.
Speaker B:Let me say this again.
Speaker B:Because learning happens through repetition.
Speaker B:Overworking is not always ambition.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's fear.
Speaker B:Constant motion is not always discipline.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's protection.
Speaker B:And choosing ease does not mean you've forgotten where you came from.
Speaker B:It means you're honoring how hard it was.
Speaker B:Now, sis, before we close, I want you to sit with this question gently again.
Speaker B:You can DM me, you can email me if you want to have this conversation.
Speaker B:I am definitely available.
Speaker B:But I also want you to go to the $50 stove and get you a journal.
Speaker B:You should have had it last episode.
Speaker B:I' ma forgive you because we be busy, but go and get that journal, sis.
Speaker B:And I need you to sit with this question, okay?
Speaker B:What are you doing out of fear that once kept you safe, but might not be necessary anymore.
Speaker B:You do not have to abandon your strength.
Speaker B:Order to choose softness.
Speaker B:You can carry both.
Speaker B:Okay?
Speaker B:And again, sis, you are safe.
Speaker B:I'll meet you back here next Monday.
Speaker B:Until next time, bestie.
Speaker A:Before we close, thank you for sharing this moment with me.
Speaker A:If something from today's episode stayed with you, whether it be a thought, a feeling, a reflection, I hope you give yourself space to sit with it.
Speaker A:These conversations are meant to meet you where you are.
Speaker A:Not to rush you and definitely not to fix you.
Speaker A:Be gentle with yourself this week, sis.
Speaker A:I'll meet you right back here next Monday.
Speaker A:This is Receipts and Reflections.
Speaker A:After the Hustle.
Speaker A:Because after the Hustle, we slow down and we choose peace.
