What Motherhood Really Taught Me About Leadership
Leadership isn’t learned in boardrooms — it’s learned in real life. In this deeply personal episode, Charlisa reflects on becoming a mother at 17, parenting through survival, navigating abusive relationships, financial instability, rebellion, and later parenting an autistic child. She speaks honestly about mistakes, repair, apology, and how motherhood reshaped her understanding of leadership, humility, and accountability.
Reflection Questions:
- Where have you had to lead without having a roadmap?
- What would repair look like in one relationship in your life?
- How has survival shaped the way you show up for others?
Engage with Me:
This episode is tender, and I know it may bring emotions up.
You’re welcome to share your reflections with me via receiptsreflections@gmail.com or DM @mylanibychadowboxx. You’re not alone.
Charlisa’s reflections on motherhood serve as a profound reminder that the path of parenting is fraught with challenges and learning opportunities. The episode begins with her candid acknowledgment of her own imperfections as a mother, emphasizing that the ideal of a perfect parent is unrealistic. Instead, she invites listeners to embrace the humanity of their parenting experiences. Charlisa recounts her journey of becoming a mother at just 17, detailing the tumultuous circumstances that shaped her early years of parenting. Through her storytelling, she elucidates the concept of survival parenting, wherein the instinct to protect and nurture often overrides the luxury of thoughtful emotional responses. This mode of parenting, she argues, contributed to a cycle of instability for her children, particularly her older two, who bore the brunt of her youthful naivety and survival instincts. The discussion transitions to the theme of leadership, as Charlisa draws parallels between her roles as a mother and a leader. She posits that true leadership is characterized by the ability to acknowledge one’s faults and to seek reconciliation. By addressing her shortcomings directly, Charlisa models the importance of humility in both parenting and leadership. Her heartfelt apologies to her children encapsulate her growth and evolution as a mother, showcasing how the act of repairing damaged relationships is a vital component of effective leadership. The episode challenges listeners to reflect on their own leadership styles, urging them to consider how their experiences as parents may mirror their professional lives. Towards the end of the episode, Charlisa encourages her audience to engage in self-reflection by posing a pivotal question: “Where in your life are you being invited to repair instead of retreat?” This inquiry is not merely a rhetorical device; it serves as a catalyst for introspection and personal growth. By framing her experiences within the context of leadership and accountability, Charlisa empowers her listeners to embrace their imperfections and to recognize that the journey of motherhood, like leadership, is an ongoing process of learning and evolving. The episode concludes with a powerful reminder that growth is not only possible but essential, reinforcing the idea that every mother, and indeed every leader, has the capacity to learn from their past while embracing the present with grace and humility.
Takeaways:
- This podcast emphasizes the importance of reflection in personal evolution beyond mere hustle.
- The host asserts that there exists no ideal mother, but rather an authentic human experience.
- Parenting from a place of survival shapes one's approach to leadership and communication.
- Acknowledging past shortcomings is essential for growth, as repair honors the truth of experiences.
Mentioned in this episode:
Kuz I Cooks
Family-owned catering offering weekly dinner plates with pickup and delivery options in the Seattle and Federal Way area.
Mylani Vegan Hair & Body Care
Clean, intentional hair and body care designed to nourish, restore, and simplify your routine. Explore the full collection at mylanibeauty.com.
Transcript
Hey, friend.
Speaker A:Welcome to Receipts and Reflections after the Hustle.
Speaker A:This is a space for real conversations about life, business, healing, motherhood and growth.
Speaker A:I'm Charlisa and I've lived enough life to know that hustle might get you started, but reflection is what helps you evolve.
Speaker A:Some stories come with receipts because y' all know I keep me some receipts, some come with lessons.
Speaker A:Either way, you're safe here, friend.
Speaker A:So take a breath, get settled, and let's talk.
Speaker A:Hey, friend.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Recede Some Reflections after the Hustle.
Speaker A:Now, before we start, I need to say something out loud for myself and for anyone listening who needs to hear it.
Speaker A:This episode is not about being a perfect mother.
Speaker A:Anybody who knows me and for any of my new friends who, if you're just joining me, I want you to catch on already that I'm going to keep it all the way real.
Speaker A:I am not here to to portray a perfect image.
Speaker A:I'm not an influencer.
Speaker A:I am not a perfect.
Speaker A:A person that makes everything look real dolled up, real cute, real, real pretty.
Speaker A:I mean, you know, my clients is pretty, you know, because I do beautify for a living.
Speaker A:But baby, my life be kind of raggedy a little bit sometimes, okay?
Speaker A:Especially the stories I'm going to tell you.
Speaker A:So I want a whole all of the imperfect mothers to join me today because that's what we're going to talk about, okay?
Speaker A:It is not about being a perfect mother.
Speaker A:It is about being a human one.
Speaker A:And if you ready to talk about how we are human, go ahead and pull up a seat, sis.
Speaker A:Turn that radio up if you're playing it in the car on your way to work or out to run your errands.
Speaker A:And let's have a be real moment, okay?
Speaker A:We're going to talk about what motherhood really taught me about leadership.
Speaker A:And that includes mistakes, survival mistakes, repair mistakes, and growth, and a couple more mistakes.
Speaker A:Now, if you've ever looked back and wish you could do some things different, this episode is for you, sis.
Speaker A:So me, I'm Charlisa, in case you didn't know.
Speaker A:If you're new here.
Speaker A:Hey, boo.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:So I became a mother at 17 years old.
Speaker A:17 tender years old.
Speaker A:At the time, I was grown.
Speaker A:You can't tell me nothing.
Speaker A:But I was a baby, okay?
Speaker A:And when you start parenting, that young leadership doesn't come from wisdom, it comes from necessity.
Speaker A:I was still a child myself and I was trying to figure out life, relationships, money, safety, because I was definitely getting two pieced as a whole teenage mother at the time.
Speaker A:Too like, baby, baby.
Speaker A:This is a story of trials and triumphs and at the same time, God somehow thought I was.
Speaker A:He thought I could be somebody's mama.
Speaker A:What in the entire.
Speaker A:God, you be doing too much sometimes, okay?
Speaker A:I thank God for my babies, but what.
Speaker A:Who said that?
Speaker A:Who said that I was Somebody made me.
Speaker A:Me responsible for raising other human beings when, like, I, I.
Speaker A:At that time, I probably.
Speaker A:They probably shouldn't even let me, like, raise like a pit bull or.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:But some.
Speaker A:I mean, God.
Speaker A:God's good because these kids, they don't.
Speaker A:They made it.
Speaker A:I don't know how.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:But anyway, they're here.
Speaker A:Love my babies.
Speaker A:I'm actually like a grandma.
Speaker A:That is.
Speaker A:That's crazy.
Speaker A:But we're going to talk about that too.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So anyway, this context matters because survival parenting shapes everything.
Speaker A:Now, I was parenting while I was actively in survival mode.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:I was navigating an abusive relationship, financial instability, and just constant uncertainty.
Speaker A:Like, I was.
Speaker A:It was just a lot going on.
Speaker A:And when you're parenting from survival mode, everything feels urgent.
Speaker A:Like, everything, like, has to happen right now.
Speaker A:You don't always have the luxury of emotional regulation.
Speaker A:Not only that, you're 17, you're dumb.
Speaker A:Like, you're dumb for real.
Speaker A:So you.
Speaker A:I mean, I was extremely intelligent student, but I was dumb.
Speaker A:You know, you react more than you respond.
Speaker A:I was a fighter.
Speaker A:I, like, I did the most.
Speaker A:I was.
Speaker A:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:My emotional maturity was not there.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:And that impacts how you discipline, how you communicate, how you lead.
Speaker A:And my older two children experience that version of me.
Speaker A:So I dealt with the rebellion, and I understand now that rebellion does not come out of nowhere.
Speaker A:It comes from instability, from confusion, from unmet emotional needs.
Speaker A:And that's a tough pill to swallow because, I don't know, like, you know, for most of you guys who are listening that are my age, you know, do you guys ever have conversations with your parents and you try to tell them about, you know, maybe your.
Speaker A:Your version of your upbringing, and they seem extremely defensive.
Speaker A:And I think that it's a very tough revelation for any parent to have to admit to themselves that they didn't always get it right, you know, and, you know, even me and my daughter, that.
Speaker A:That's my bestie, that is my best friend.
Speaker A:She's my firstborn.
Speaker A:She is the OG Crash dummy.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:The fact she's still here.
Speaker A:God is good all the time.
Speaker A:God is good.
Speaker A:Because baby, oh, my God, she been through it.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:Um.
Speaker A:And she was my first, you know, like, real conversation that I was able to have where she checked me.
Speaker A:You know, she really had to have a conversation with me.
Speaker A:And we still have these very real conversations.
Speaker A:And a lot of it is that she looks at things, you know, of course, from a different perspective because she's a mother herself now.
Speaker A:But I just remember one of the, like, first tough conversations that we had, and she really was like, you know, mom, like, you're so defensive, and what it ends up doing is that you're dismissing my experience.
Speaker A:You can't tell me what my experience with you was.
Speaker A:And for the first time, I was.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:You know, I really had to.
Speaker A:I just had no choice but to listen and absorb her experience.
Speaker A:And for any parents that are dealing with that type of, like, revelation or that guilt, you know, here's.
Speaker A:None of us intentionally disappointed our kids.
Speaker A:None of us intentionally didn't get it right.
Speaker A:It's not like we were like, oh, baby, this is about to be some good job security for a therapist.
Speaker A:You know?
Speaker A:Like, that's not how we operate.
Speaker A:We're.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:We don't go into par parenting saying, I'm gonna mess up.
Speaker A:But here's the truth.
Speaker A:The fact of the matter is that we are going to mess up.
Speaker A:And so sometimes your kids may rebel, you know, and a lot of it comes from there is a need that is not being met.
Speaker A:You know, behavior is communication, too.
Speaker A:Even negative behavior is communication.
Speaker A:And at that time, I just saw the rebellion as defiance.
Speaker A:Now I understand it was communication.
Speaker A:And I want to pause here and say something directly to my older two children, because this matters.
Speaker A:You were my crash dummies.
Speaker A:God bless y'.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:You guys were my crash dummies.
Speaker A:And you got the version of me who was surviving, who was not healed.
Speaker A:And while I did the best that I could with what I knew, that doesn't erase the impact.
Speaker A:I'm never here to minimize your experience of me as I was growing.
Speaker A:So I want to just say, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry.
Speaker A:And it's nothing short of a miracle and a testament to your resilience that you are where you two are today.
Speaker A:And I know that is because you are the result of the prayers.
Speaker A:You're the result of my prayers, the result of my grandmother's prayers, my mother's prayers.
Speaker A:And I'm thankful for you guys, okay?
Speaker A:Repair does not erase the past, but it absolutely honors the truth.
Speaker A:And as a healed and evolved mother, I can say directly to my children, and I'm here to let this be an example for other mothers.
Speaker A:You know, it's okay.
Speaker A:It's okay to apologize to your kids.
Speaker A:You know, I know that our generation before us never apologized to us.
Speaker A:You know, they may come and be like, you want something from stuff, you know, that was the apology.
Speaker A:But, you know, we are the healed and evolved generation, y'.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:It's our responsibility.
Speaker A:So go on and apologize to them, kids.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:It doesn't erase the past, but it definitely honors their truth because that's where we be getting stuff mixed up, too.
Speaker A:Your truth and their truth don't have to be the same.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:For me, I had it all.
Speaker A:I. I know that I went into parenting with the best of intentions.
Speaker A:Did I fall short?
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:So if they were the other side of that, that shortfall, it doesn't mean that you, it's your place to argue.
Speaker A:No, that's not what happened.
Speaker A:That's not how it happened.
Speaker A:Honor their truth too, and it's okay.
Speaker A:And, but also in that truth, it doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:I want to make that very clear too, because we are only doing the best that we can.
Speaker A:And I know that for a fact.
Speaker A:So for a long time, I believed that if I could just create the right structure, everything would eventually fall into place.
Speaker A:So that meant marriage, stability, a quote, unquote complete family.
Speaker A:And I thought that structure would heal what survival broke.
Speaker A:But structure without healing doesn't fix anything.
Speaker A:I entered my marriage and my relationship, still very much broken.
Speaker A:Okay, and then enter the third act, the third crash, dummy.
Speaker A:When my youngest was diagnosed with autism, everything changed.
Speaker A:I had to reposition my entire life.
Speaker A:I. I had to parent differently, I had to lead differently, I had to listen differently.
Speaker A:My kids always say all the time, oh, I wish we would have had this version of you, you know, and I wish they did, too.
Speaker A:I really do.
Speaker A:I really do.
Speaker A:You know, like, when you have a child that is on the spectrum, especially my child who was non verbal until he was five, you know, like, there's no room for control.
Speaker A:I had to slow down, observe and learn.
Speaker A:And in doing that, I became painfully aware of how much that I'd gotten wrong before.
Speaker A:Okay, and let me say this clearly.
Speaker A:What I didn't know then, first I didn't know that parenting from survival creates rigid children.
Speaker A:It just, it gives like, a sense of inflexibility.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:And also that fear often disguises itself as discipline.
Speaker A:I was trying to, especially for my oldest, I was trying to parent me out of her.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:And you know, being fearful of shit, because I know what I was doing at a certain age.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:Oh, no, baby, no.
Speaker A:You can't go nowhere.
Speaker A:You can't do nothing.
Speaker A:That was fear.
Speaker A:And also, control is often rooted in anxiety.
Speaker A:Now, what I know now, leadership requires regulation.
Speaker A:You gotta be stable.
Speaker A:You gotta regulate your emotions, sis, if you're going to be a leader.
Speaker A:Repair is a form of authority, and humility is what builds trust.
Speaker A:You got to humble yourself like I just did and say I'm sorry.
Speaker A:Okay, okay.
Speaker A:I didn't get it right?
Speaker A:I wasn't always right.
Speaker A:Now, look.
Speaker A:Now, look, okay, Because I'm still a G. You're not going to beat me up with it, though, okay?
Speaker A:Let's just be clear.
Speaker A:But you can respectfully check me.
Speaker A:And that's what's happened, you know, over the years, especially, like I say, with my oldest, I love you, baby.
Speaker A:I just love you.
Speaker A:That's my girl.
Speaker A:And she be.
Speaker A:Look, she not too much, because sometimes I'm like, okay, all right, calm down.
Speaker A:You don't gotta do.
Speaker A:You don't gotta do all that, you know?
Speaker A:But I'm thankful for her feeling safe enough to share that truth with me, you know, back then, you know?
Speaker A:And I think that's also why I wasn't open to listening to their perspective and they're having these conversations, because I think if I admitted that I just didn't have it all figured out, you know, that that was going to show that weakness.
Speaker A:You know, Back then, I thought leadership meant holding it together.
Speaker A:Now I know it means that you're willing to grow.
Speaker A:Now, sis, let me speak to you for a moment.
Speaker A:If you're carrying guilt about how you showed up in the past, I want you to take a quick pause.
Speaker A:Awareness is not condemnation.
Speaker A:It is not a green light to beat up on yourself, okay?
Speaker A:And to wallow in your pity.
Speaker A:That's not what this is.
Speaker A:You're allowed to evolve.
Speaker A:Your parenting, your leadership, and your relationships.
Speaker A:Repair doesn't mean that you failed.
Speaker A:It means that you learned.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:This lesson has followed me everywhere.
Speaker A:It haunts me sometimes.
Speaker A:I'm like, okay, okay, geez.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:It's in everywhere, in business and friendships and community.
Speaker A:My best y' all is like, oh, I see your growth.
Speaker A:I'm so proud, girl.
Speaker A:Shut up.
Speaker A:But thank you, but.
Speaker A:Oh, it's uncomfortable, right?
Speaker A:It's uncomfortable.
Speaker A:Sometimes leadership without empathy harms leadership with humility heals.
Speaker A:The strongest leaders that I know are willing to say, I got that wrong.
Speaker A:That's how I know that I've grown as a leader, because I can say I might not have handled that right.
Speaker A:I might have got that one wrong.
Speaker A:And it's okay.
Speaker A:Let me say this again, because repetition matters.
Speaker A:You guys got a theme here.
Speaker A:If you've been here for all three episodes.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:But, yes, let me say this again, because repetition matters.
Speaker A:You are not a bad parent because you learned later.
Speaker A:You are not a bad leader because you evolved.
Speaker A:And you're not weak for apologizing.
Speaker A:You're responsible.
Speaker A:Now, before we close, I want you to sit with this question gently.
Speaker A:By this point, you should have been to the $50 stove.
Speaker A:Should have got that journal.
Speaker A:Hopefully, you got a couple entries.
Speaker A:And so now we're gonna do another one.
Speaker A:I want you to sit with this.
Speaker A:You can also DM me, you can also email me, because I would love to have this conversation with you, too, sis.
Speaker A:But I want you to sit with this gently, okay?
Speaker A:Remember, we're not fixing.
Speaker A:We're not beating up on ourselves.
Speaker A:We are being gentle with ourselves.
Speaker A:We are giving ourselves grace, okay?
Speaker A:Now ask yourself this.
Speaker A:Where in your life are you being invited to repair instead of retreat?
Speaker A:Where in your life are you being invited to repair instead of retreat?
Speaker A:Because leadership isn't about perfection.
Speaker A:It's about accountability, humility, and love.
Speaker A:And if you're still learning, you're doing it right, okay?
Speaker A:I promise you, if you're still learning, you're doing it right.
Speaker A:I'm so proud of you.
Speaker A:I am so proud of us.
Speaker A:Look at us.
Speaker A:Look at.
Speaker A:I'm so proud.
Speaker A:And I'm so thankful for you.
Speaker A:Joining me for another episode of Receipts and Reflections after the Hustle, I'll meet you back here next Monday.
Speaker A:Until next time, bestie.
Speaker A:Before we close, thank you for sharing this moment with me.
Speaker A:If something from today's episode stayed with you, whether it be a thought, a feeling, a reflection, I hope you give yourself space to sit with it.
Speaker A:These conversations are meant to meet you where you are, not to rush you and definitely not to fix you.
Speaker A:Be gentle with yourself this week, sis.
Speaker A:I'll meet you right back here next Monday.
Speaker A:This is Receipts and Reflections after the Hustle.
Speaker A:Because after the Hustle, we slow down and we choose peace.
