Love Shouldn’t Require You to Disappear
The central theme of this podcast episode revolves around the profound and often unrecognized phenomenon of self-abandonment, wherein individuals, despite appearing outwardly successful and content, struggle internally with feelings of disconnection from their authentic selves. We engage in a reflective dialogue, inviting listeners to consider the moments in their lives when they have conformed or adjusted their true feelings for the sake of maintaining peace or avoiding conflict. It is imperative to acknowledge that these seemingly minor instances of acquiescence can accumulate, leading to a significant estrangement from one's authentic identity. Throughout our discussion, we emphasize the importance of awareness and self-compassion as we navigate the complexities of personal expression and emotional honesty. Ultimately, we encourage our audience to examine their own experiences and to recognize the value of remaining true to oneself, thereby fostering a deeper connection with their inner selves.
There comes a point where confidence stops being something you perform…
and becomes something you simply are.
In this episode, we’re talking about what confidence actually looks like in real life — not the loud, curated version we see online, but the quiet, grounded kind that shows up when you truly know yourself.
From no longer over-explaining… to not feeling the need to respond to everything… to walking into rooms without needing approval — this is what it looks like to move differently.
If you’ve been feeling like you’re evolving, but can’t quite explain how…
this episode is going to put words to it.
✨ WHAT YOU’LL REFLECT ON:
- Where you’re still trying to prove yourself
- What confidence actually feels like (beyond appearances)
- How your responses — or lack of them — have changed
- What it looks like to trust yourself without validation
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who’s been stepping into a new version of themselves too.
Make sure you’re subscribed so you never miss a Monday.
And if you’re ready to take your self-care and routine to the next level, visit mylanibeauty.com to explore Mylani Vegan Hair & Body Care.
Takeaways:
- In moments of discomfort, we often choose to suppress our true feelings instead of expressing them.
- It is crucial to recognize when we begin to lose ourselves in the pursuit of pleasing others.
- The process of adapting to external expectations can lead to a profound disconnection from our authentic selves.
- Awareness of our adjustments is the first step towards reclaiming our genuine identities and desires.
Mentioned in this episode:
2nd season Mylani commercial- full version
Second season Outro
Season 2 Intro
Transcript
Hey, friend.
Speaker A:Hey, friend.
Speaker A:Hey, friend.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Receipts and Reflections after the Hustle.
Speaker A:I'm so excited to be back here with you guys.
Speaker A:It's season two.
Speaker A:Okay, so now that I'm over my little moment, before we get into anything, I just want to take a second, not scrolling, not multitasking.
Speaker A:I just want you to sit right here with me for a minute.
Speaker A:How are you doing?
Speaker A:And I don't mean your schedule.
Speaker A:I don't mean, like, I want to know, how are you doing?
Speaker A:Not what you handled this week.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:Because I've been noticing something.
Speaker A:And tell me if this sounds familiar.
Speaker A:You're showing up, you're doing what needs to be done.
Speaker A:You're handling your responsibilities.
Speaker A:From the outside, you're killing it.
Speaker A:Everything looks fine, but internally, something feels a little off.
Speaker A:Not wrong, not broken, just not fully like yourself.
Speaker A:And you see that feeling right there?
Speaker A:That's what we're going to talk about today.
Speaker A:So you know how when y' all be sitting in my chair and I asked you how your hair has been doing, and you just look at me with a straight face and you say, oh, it's fine.
Speaker A:And then I start parting it.
Speaker A:I started looking closer.
Speaker A:I started running my fingers through it.
Speaker A:I grab a little rat tail comb, and I start making parts, you know, And I'm starting to assess your scalp and your hair, and I pause and I say, friend, we need to talk.
Speaker A:So that right here, that's what today is.
Speaker A:Because sometimes things look fine until you slow down, pick it apart enough to actually see it.
Speaker A:So let me ask you something.
Speaker A:When was the last time you felt like you were fully yourself?
Speaker A:Not adjusting, not filtering, not shrinking, just comfortable at being you?
Speaker A:And don't rush the answer.
Speaker A:Because if your mind just went blank, if your brain just hit control, alt, delete, then that's information.
Speaker A:And let's talk about how this really, actually shows up.
Speaker A:Because sometimes it really does start small.
Speaker A:You're in a conversation and you just want to say something, but you pause, and instead of saying it, you say, it's fine, or you have a preference, right?
Speaker A:A real one.
Speaker A:But you don't voice it.
Speaker A:You just go along with things.
Speaker A:Or something just doesn't sit right with you.
Speaker A:You feel it immediately, but instead of addressing it, you tell yourself, you know what?
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It's not even that big of a deal.
Speaker A:Now, let's be real.
Speaker A:Those moments, they matter because those are the moments where you start leaving yourself.
Speaker A:That's when you start abandoning yourself.
Speaker A:And it doesn't happen all at once.
Speaker A:But it's piece by piece.
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:Let's just be honest.
Speaker A:Let's just be honest.
Speaker A:Let's just be real.
Speaker A:Where is Dejela anyway?
Speaker A:Okay, let's be honest.
Speaker A:You felt it every single time.
Speaker A:That little internal voice, that moment of hesitation, that quiet feeling.
Speaker A:You felt it.
Speaker A:You felt it.
Speaker A:But instead of listening to it, you overrode it because it felt easier.
Speaker A:And easier is always better than explaining, easier than speaking up, easier than possibly creating tension.
Speaker A:You don't want to get to sagitating, you know, so you just adjust it.
Speaker A:Now pause.
Speaker A:Let me tell you something.
Speaker A:I'm gonna tell on myself real quick.
Speaker A:I'm gonna go ahead.
Speaker A:Because, you know, this is a safe space, right?
Speaker A:We are.
Speaker A:We are friends, okay?
Speaker A:So I can be all the way transparent with you.
Speaker A:So I'm gonna go ahead and tell them myself first.
Speaker A:There have been so many seasons in my life where I didn't even realize how much I was adjusting because I wasn't thinking, I'm losing myself.
Speaker A:That's not where you go immediately.
Speaker A:I was thinking, listen, I'm just being mature.
Speaker A:I'm being understanding, I'm being flexible.
Speaker A:And those sound like good things.
Speaker A:You're being a kind person.
Speaker A:You're making people comfortable around you.
Speaker A:But what I didn't realize was that I was slowly removing my.
Speaker A:Myself from the equation.
Speaker A:And it did not happen in big moments.
Speaker A:It happened in small, little, teeny, tiny ones.
Speaker A:The it's fine.
Speaker A:The it doesn't matter.
Speaker A:The we can do whatever over and over and over again.
Speaker A:Until one day, I just felt disconnected.
Speaker A:Not just from the situation, but from me.
Speaker A:From me.
Speaker A:And that's a whole different type of feeling.
Speaker A:Because now you're sitting there like, wait, where did I go?
Speaker A:You're really lost.
Speaker A:Like, what.
Speaker A:Where did.
Speaker A:What happened to me?
Speaker A:So let's talk about why this happens.
Speaker A:Because this is actually learned A lot of us at some point in our life, we were taught, keep the peace.
Speaker A:Don't make things complicated.
Speaker A:You know, don't be difficult.
Speaker A:Don't ask for too much.
Speaker A:So we just really basically learned how to adjust, accommodate, minimize.
Speaker A:And we got really, really good at it.
Speaker A:So good that we don't even realize what we're doing anymore.
Speaker A:It's so just embedded in us that we don't even realize what's happening.
Speaker A:And let's be clear, this is not just romantic.
Speaker A:Some of you are doing this in friendships.
Speaker A:You don't say how you really feel.
Speaker A:You go along with things.
Speaker A:You avoid certain conversations, and now you're showing up, but is not Fully as yourself.
Speaker A:And in business, it's the same thing.
Speaker A:You soften your voice, you lower your standards, you under price, you over accommodate.
Speaker A:And now your business doesn't even feel aligned with you anymore.
Speaker A:You low key hate it.
Speaker A:And let me say this clearly.
Speaker A:Love that requires you to disappear is always going to cost you.
Speaker A:Always.
Speaker A:Because eventually you will either lose yourself or you're going to resent the situation.
Speaker A:And neither one of those feels like peace.
Speaker A:So let's bring this to you.
Speaker A:I'm gonna bring it on back.
Speaker A:I want you to think about your week.
Speaker A:Where have you said it's fine when it actually wasn't?
Speaker A:Where have you gone along with something that didn't feel good?
Speaker A:Where have you stayed quiet when you had something to really say?
Speaker A:And here's the real question.
Speaker A:What are you afraid is going to happen?
Speaker A:What are you afraid of?
Speaker A:What happens if you show up fully as yourself?
Speaker A:Just sit with that real quick.
Speaker A:So before we go, I want to slow this all the way down because this isn't about judging yourself, sis.
Speaker A:I promise.
Speaker A:This is just about noticing.
Speaker A:You adapted for a reason.
Speaker A:You learned how to adjust because at some point it just felt necessary.
Speaker A:But now you're becoming aware.
Speaker A:And awareness is what actually gives you options.
Speaker A:And that's the beautiful thing.
Speaker A:So this week, I don't want you to fix everything.
Speaker A:I don't want you to feel like you need to go into the mode of needing to overcorrect.
Speaker A:I just want you to take notice, okay?
Speaker A:I want you to notice where you shrink.
Speaker A:Notice the moments where you adjust.
Speaker A:Notice where you go quiet.
Speaker A:And when you catch it, just say, I see it.
Speaker A:Because once you see it, you can choose differently.
Speaker A:Now, be gentle with yourself this week, okay?
Speaker A:Don't start nitpicking and start going into this cycle of feeling like, dang it, I'm just not good enough.
Speaker A:Don't do that.
Speaker A:Be kind to yourself.
Speaker A:Be gentle with yourself this week, please.
Speaker A:You're not becoming difficult, I promise.
Speaker A:You're just becoming honest.
Speaker A:Most importantly, you becoming honest with yourself.
Speaker A:And that is such a powerful shift.
Speaker A:Okay, friend?
Speaker A:Right now, take your time.
Speaker A:Come back to yourself.
Speaker A:Bring it on back.
Speaker A:And stay aware.
Speaker A:Keep your head on the swivel, bookie, okay?
Speaker A:And like we used to see at my first Baptist church that I grew up in, okay?
Speaker A:We ain't we.
Speaker A:It's Easter's tomorrow, y'.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:I know that by the time this episode airs that it's gonna be well past that, but Easter's tomorrow, so I'm feeling a little, you know, nostalgic and feeling a little godly, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:So we're gonna go back to my Baptist church days of whenever we were about to depart, and we'd all hold hands and we'd rock back and forth, we give hugs and then we would sing.
Speaker A:Until we meet again.
Speaker A:I love you all so much, and I will meet you right back here next Monday.
