You’re Doing Too Much… And Nobody Asked You To
Today's discourse centers on the profound exhaustion that transcends mere physical fatigue, a state that many individuals may experience yet struggle to articulate. We delve into the complexities of emotional and spiritual weariness, particularly that which cannot be remedied by rest alone. Our conversation invites reflection on the roles we unwittingly adopt in our lives, often without explicit request from others, and the resultant burdens we bear. We encourage listeners to examine their patterns of overextending themselves, whether in personal relationships or professional endeavors, and to consider the implications of their actions on their well-being. Ultimately, we advocate for a moment of introspection, urging individuals to discern what responsibilities genuinely belong to them and to acknowledge the necessity of self-care in a world that often demands too much.
How much of what you’re doing right now…
did someone actually ask you to do?
And how much of it…
did you take on by yourself?
In this episode, we’re getting honest about over-functioning — being the one who manages everything, keeps everything running smoothly, and takes responsibility for things that were never yours to carry in the first place.
From checking in on everyone…
to handling problems before they even happen…
to managing the energy, the communication, and the outcomes…
this is about recognizing where you’ve been doing too much — and learning how to step back without guilt.
Because just because you can carry it…
doesn’t mean it’s yours.
✨ WHAT YOU’LL REFLECT ON:
- Where you’ve taken on more than your role
- What emotional labor actually looks like in your life
- The difference between helping vs over-functioning
- How to step back without feeling guilty
This episode engages deeply with the theme of emotional labor, particularly the fatigue that arises from taking on excessive responsibilities in personal and professional realms. The host invites listeners to engage in a reflective exercise, focusing not on their achievements or tasks completed, but rather on their emotional states and well-being. This approach lays the groundwork for a profound discussion about the nature of fatigue that transcends physical tiredness, delving into the emotional and mental exhaustion that many experience as they navigate their roles as caretakers, providers, and problem-solvers in various aspects of their lives. The conversation reveals how individuals, often characterized as the 'strong ones' or the 'dependable friends', can find themselves ensnared in a cycle of over-commitment. The host articulates the subtle yet significant ways in which these individuals may assume roles that they were never explicitly assigned, perpetuating a narrative of self-sacrifice that ultimately leads to burnout and resentment. Through personal anecdotes and relatable scenarios, the speaker illustrates the inherent struggle of recognizing when one is taking on more than their fair share, challenging listeners to confront the uncomfortable truth of their own patterns of behavior. As the episode draws to a close, the host emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and boundary-setting. By encouraging listeners to pause and reflect on their involvements, the episode serves as a powerful reminder that acknowledging one's limits is not a sign of weakness but rather an act of self-preservation. This timely conversation not only validates the experiences of those feeling overwhelmed but also provides crucial insights into cultivating healthier relationships and personal boundaries, ultimately guiding listeners towards a path of emotional clarity and empowerment.
Takeaways:
- It is imperative to acknowledge one's emotional state rather than merely focusing on tasks completed.
- We often take on responsibilities that were never assigned to us, leading to exhaustion.
- Recognizing the difference between being helpful and overextending oneself is vital for self-care.
- Awareness of our contributions can illuminate the unsustainable nature of our habits and roles.
- Pausing to reflect on our commitments can reveal opportunities for others to step in.
- Becoming more aware of our actions allows us to reclaim our energy and well-being.
Mentioned in this episode:
Second season Outro
Season 2 Intro
2nd season Mylani commercial- full version
Transcript
Okay, I just played too much.
Speaker A:I. I don't know why I did that anyway.
Speaker A:Hey, friend.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Receipts and Reflections after the Hustle.
Speaker A:Welcome.
Speaker A:Hey, hey, hey.
Speaker A:Now, before we get into anything, I just want to check in with you real quick.
Speaker A:I. I don't want to know what you handled this week, not what you got done, but I want to check into you.
Speaker A:How are you feeling?
Speaker A:How are you doing, boo?
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:I mean, like, how are you really feeling right now?
Speaker A:Are you energized?
Speaker A:Tired?
Speaker A:Overwhelmed?
Speaker A:You just going through the motions?
Speaker A:Go ahead and just have a quick little moment and just be real with yourself.
Speaker A:You can go ahead and say it out loud.
Speaker A:How are you?
Speaker A:Just notice it.
Speaker A:Okay, let's go ahead and get grounded, because today's conversation is for the.
Speaker A:The kind of tired.
Speaker A:That type of tired that the sleep just doesn't fix.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Not that I need a nap type of tired.
Speaker A:I'm talking about the don't ask me for nothing else today.
Speaker A:That type of tired where everything feels like a lot and you are just trying to figure out, why do I feel this drained?
Speaker A:Go ahead and take a breath.
Speaker A:If I'm speaking to you, girl, I see you.
Speaker A:Okay, because we're going to go ahead and walk through that.
Speaker A:Let me ask you something.
Speaker A:How much of what you're doing right now did someone else actually ask you to do?
Speaker A:And how much of it did you take on by yourself for whatever reason?
Speaker A:Go ahead and just, you know, reflect on that and sit with that.
Speaker A:Real quick.
Speaker A:Let's make this real.
Speaker A:You're usually the one who checks in on everybody, makes sure everybody's okay, keeps everything running smoothly, handles things before they even become a problem.
Speaker A:You just the good old fashioned superhero, you are managing the energy, the communication, the outcomes, all of the freaking things.
Speaker A:And on the outside, it just looks like you're being responsible.
Speaker A:It just looks like you're being the good person.
Speaker A:But internally, you are tired.
Speaker A:Good and tired.
Speaker A:Or maybe it shows up like this.
Speaker A:You walk into a situation and without even thinking about it, you just immediately start taking over.
Speaker A:You organize it, you fix it, you adjust it before anybody even asks.
Speaker A:Or what about this one?
Speaker A:Something goes wrong, right?
Speaker A:And before anyone else responds, you've already stepped in.
Speaker A:You've already figured out a solution, because that's just what you do right?
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:Let's say this honestly.
Speaker A:Didn't nobody tell you to do that?
Speaker A:Did nobody assign you that role?
Speaker A:Nobody assigned you that role.
Speaker A:You picked it up.
Speaker A:And I know that part can be uncomfortable because it feels better to say, I just care.
Speaker A:I just want things to be good.
Speaker A:Like, that is just who I am.
Speaker A:And, you know, granted, that may be true.
Speaker A:That may totally be true.
Speaker A:But you're still doing more than your equal share.
Speaker A:Let me go ahead and tell you something.
Speaker A:There was a time that I personally realized that I wasn't just showing up in my life.
Speaker A:I was managing everything.
Speaker A:I was thinking ahead for everyone.
Speaker A:I was solving problems before they happen, making sure everything stayed together.
Speaker A:And nobody told me to do that.
Speaker A:That's what really hit me because I was exhausted.
Speaker A:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:I was.
Speaker A:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:I was exhausted.
Speaker A:I was physically and spiritually tired.
Speaker A:But I was also the one that had created that pressure.
Speaker A:And I had to really sit with myself and ask, what are you doing?
Speaker A:Because I wasn't just helping.
Speaker A:I was trying to control outcomes and control y'.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:Especially when you're dealing with people that is going to wear you out every time.
Speaker A:Now let's talk about why this happens.
Speaker A:Some of us became the strong one early.
Speaker A:You know, like the older sibling, the person who was married to the super irresponsible spouse.
Speaker A:Just whatever point in your life, but I'll definitely say at a very pivotal time in your life.
Speaker A:And the.
Speaker A:The main example I can think of is older siblings.
Speaker A:I love my older sister, but she's the one that had to figure things out.
Speaker A:She's the one that had to carry responsibility.
Speaker A:She was raising kids that she did not have.
Speaker A:She didn't ask for it.
Speaker A:She didn't even like us handling situations that weren't even hers.
Speaker A:Okay, so now that just becomes the norm, right?
Speaker A:That just becomes your normal.
Speaker A:You don't wait, you don't pause.
Speaker A:You just step in.
Speaker A:Because that feels familiar.
Speaker A:But here's what happens over time.
Speaker A:I'll just handle it becomes I handle everything.
Speaker A:Oh, she got it.
Speaker A:And eventually it becomes, I'm tired of everything.
Speaker A:Tired of y'.
Speaker A:All.
Speaker A:I'm tired of the thing.
Speaker A:I'm tired.
Speaker A:And this is not just in romantic relationships, like the example I just used.
Speaker A:Some of you guys are doing this in friendships.
Speaker A:Some of you guys are doing this in familial relationships.
Speaker A:You're always the one who checks in, the one who always shows up, the one who always listens.
Speaker A:But when it comes to you, there's not the same effort.
Speaker A:And in business, there's the same pattern.
Speaker A:You over deliver, you over accommodate, you overextend because you just want to make everything perfect.
Speaker A:You want to look like success and you want to be needed.
Speaker A:And now your Business feels heavy, and you are resenting it because it's built on you doing too much.
Speaker A:The success of business is contingent upon you doing too much.
Speaker A:And that is not sustainable.
Speaker A:So let me go ahead and say this very clearly.
Speaker A:Just because you can carry it does not mean that it belongs to you.
Speaker A:You being capable does not make you responsible for everything.
Speaker A:And we're going to bring this on back to you, okay?
Speaker A:Where are you doing things that didn't nobody even ask you to do?
Speaker A:Where are you stepping in before anyone else even has the chance?
Speaker A:Where are you carrying more than your share?
Speaker A:And here's the real question.
Speaker A:What would happen if you paused?
Speaker A:Not stop completely, just paused?
Speaker A:Do you think everything will fall apart?
Speaker A:Or would somebody else finally have to show up?
Speaker A:Go ahead and sit with that.
Speaker A:Now, before we go, let's just go ahead and slow this all the way down.
Speaker A:Because this isn't about blaming yourself.
Speaker A:This is simply about awareness.
Speaker A:You've been doing what you know how to do.
Speaker A:You guys are good at it.
Speaker A:You're good at it.
Speaker A:You've been showing up, you've been carrying.
Speaker A:You've been handling things.
Speaker A:But now you're starting to see it.
Speaker A:And that matters.
Speaker A:So this week, don't try to fix everything.
Speaker A:Just notice.
Speaker A:Notice where you volunteer.
Speaker A:Notice where you just jump in.
Speaker A:Notice the moments where you take over.
Speaker A:Notice where you carry more than your share.
Speaker A:And when you catch it, ask yourself, is this even mine?
Speaker A:And if it's not, let it sit.
Speaker A:Let it marinate for a minute.
Speaker A:And even if it feels uncomfortable, let it sit.
Speaker A:Because you are not dropping the ball.
Speaker A:You're putting it back where it rightfully belongs.
Speaker A:So be gentle with yourself.
Speaker A:Boo.
Speaker A:You are not becoming less caring.
Speaker A:You're becoming more aware.
Speaker A:And that matters.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:All right, friend.
Speaker A:Go and rest a little.
Speaker A:Release a little.
Speaker A:Gonna let it go.
Speaker A:And like we go ahead and used to say, until we meet again, I love you so much.
Speaker A:Until the next episode.
Speaker A:And I will see you here again next Monday.
Speaker A:Love you big.
